What Have You Done?
by May K. Lunnaya
Summary: When Usagi meets her friends and boyfriend today, all they can say is, 'What have you done?!' And that is exactly what Usagi wants to say in return...


STATISTICS:  
  
CLASSIFICATION - Lunatic Comedy  
  
LENGTH - 6 pages (format A4)  
  
MAIN CHARACTER - Usagi  
  
LOCATION - Post-Sailor Moon Sailor Stars  
  
RATING - PG-13  
  
SHORT SUMMARY:  
  
When Usagi meets her friends and boyfriend today, all they can say is, 'What have you done?!' And that is exactly what Usagi wants to say in return…  
  
FROM AUTHOR:  
  
Dear Reader,  
  
This fiction is a bit crazy, very unlike any others I've ever written, and I've thought it up and jotted it down in just one single day. This is sort of a 'remake' of one of my oldest stories that is two years of age. Tell me your comments on it, please!  
  
-May K. Lunnaya :)  
  
DEDICATION: To Tushka a.k.a. McDonald's - Tushino.  
  
What Have You Done?! ®  
  
Yes, sirree! I, Usagi Tsukino, am going to fool everyone! They will hardly believe it…  
  
"They sure will," I thought and watched my 'perfect' reflection in the huge full-size mirror grin smugly.  
  
I decided to put Mamo-chan to test first and thus adjusted my clothes and headed out of my house straight for my boyfriend's building. Having repeatedly knocked at his apartment's door in a five-minute succession, my fist nearly smashed into the face of the girl who had quite suddenly thrown said door open.   
  
The girl stared at me with a gaping mouth and saucer-sized blue eyes. One hand clutched at a towel wrapped around herteeny waist, blonde hair tumbling to her knees in a wet mess.  
  
"Oh, hi, Usagi…" she greeted me awkwardly.  
  
Minako!  
  
Mamo-chan ran out of the bathroom, wearing exactly nothing with a non-exclusion of the towel of the same kind Minako was sporting. I could tell because I was the one who had  
given him the set of those for our anniversary.  
  
"Sweetie, would you answer - " Mamo-chan took notice of his girlfriend, i.e. me, and his hair practically stood on ends. "Usagi!" (We had decided to use 'Usako' and 'Mamo-chan' only during our most… intimate moments. Grins.) "What have you done to your hair?!"  
  
I slowly closed the door before me and examined its wooden pattern with enviable calmness.   
  
One, two…  
  
I banged the door open, sending Minako jetting across the room.  
  
I leaped at Mamo-chan in a flying tackle, dragged him by his hair to the table in the living room, and dipped my boyfriend's face into the leftover oozy salad in the plastic bowl.   
Then I gathered all my saliva for a very good and slimy spit, spat into his black hair, and scrambled out of the accursed apartment, leaving the 'couple' salad-dressed and black-eyed…  
  
The-the TRAITORS! My best friend, my thousand-year-old boyfriend… How could they do that?! WHY? Was there something I'd missed? Wait - that time when we'd come over to Mamo-chan's, Minako had stained her shirt with something, and he helped her clean up in the bathroom, and -  
  
As I exited the building, I saw another couple. The guy was tenderly whispering something into the girl's ear, and she was sweetly chuckling in response… His hand has slipped around her slim waist, she had hers curled around his neck, and thus they walked,   
engrossed with each other…  
  
Grrr.  
  
I was as mad as a… well, I don't know, does a bear disturbed in his sleep in the middle of winter describe my mood?  
  
So, I was as mad as the bear, but not until the couple strolled by me.  
  
A COUPLE?!!  
  
How about Michiru?! With Haruka?!!?  
  
They finally became aware of my presence.   
  
"Hi, Koneko-chan!" Haruka grinned. Predictably, her eyes widened in horror. "Oh, what have you done to your hair?!"  
  
"Whatever," I muttered bitterly.  
  
"We have great news!" Michiru squealed, her blue-green eyes lovingly grazing Haruka's face.  
  
"Michiru - " was all Haruka managed to say before her girl friend grabbed Haruka's hand to expose a ring with a monstrous diamond on the top.  
  
"We're getting married!" Michiru proclaimed breathlessly.  
  
"MARRIED," I whispered, my knees turning into noodles.  
  
Ears burning, Haruka pulled at Michiru's sleeve. "Oh, Michiru!" she reprimanded her gal pal. "Why such a rush? I wanted to wait before…"  
  
"Why keep it a secret?" Michiru grinned beatifically and winked with one delicate, aqua-lined eye. "We'd already put our house up for sale!"  
  
"Well… When we marry, we don't need a mansion to live in. And that new house is very nice, I have to admit. And the garage is big enough…"  
  
"And I'll plant some marvelous flowers! Lilies, forget-me-nots…" Michiru reached out to affectionately ruffle Haruka's short, sandy blonde hair.   
  
Haruka nodded, growing excited, one small gold hoop earring dangling. "And you know, we could build a pool in there. And you could bring the neighbor kids over!"   
  
"Kids?" Michiru smiled mischievously. "Well, we could have our own."  
  
"Oh, honey!"  
  
I stood there, listening to these ravings of madmen. Of two madwomen, to be exact. I turned around and went due Hikawa Temple.  
  
It doesn't matter… It is no big deal that Minako has spent the night at Mamo-chan's apartment… It doesn't matter that Michiru and Haruka are getting married and would like to   
make kids… It is no big deal that…  
  
"GUESS WHAT!" A screaming Ami dashed by me up the shrine's steps swinging some magazine in her hand. Her short black hair was parted into two sticking-out pigtails, and she was wearing a… short miniskirt just long enough to cover her panties, chunky shoes, and   
a… bra.   
  
So what?  
  
I continued my crawl in ascending order. Panting, I lifted my head and saw a soldier coming at me. Black boots, camouflage uniform, military cap - a plain soldier. What's so exotic about a soldier visiting Rei's temple? Nothing! So I passed him right by.  
  
"Hey, don't you recognize me?" thundered a familiar voice.  
  
Familiar?  
  
I stopped. "Who you?"  
  
The soldier laughed and whipped off his cap, revealing… a grinning green-eyed Makoto - BALD.  
  
"G… gh… M?!" I sputtered.  
  
Makoto smiled. "Yeah, I know, it's incredible! Ya see, I decided to join army! And to feel cool and confident - you know? - I've shaved my hair off! How do I look?"  
  
"Great," I replied with impenetrability of a brick wall. "See ya around."  
  
"Yeah, sure! And besides, there're a lot of cute guys there!" She winked slyly. And then her eyes popped out as she took a closer look at my appearance. "Oh, Usagi, what have you done to your hair?!"  
  
"Who cares." I continued on climbing the steps, never looking back at our brand-new commando.   
  
Once at the temple verandah, I took off my shoes and carefully slid the door to Rei's living room. Ami was perched at the table, facing me. Miniskirt, b…ra, pigtails, and… ALL. She was ogling the glossy cover of the magazine in her hands.  
  
I gave her an acid smile. "Hi, Ami - "   
  
"OH, HI!!" she squealed. "So happy to see ya! Guess what?!" And with these… stunning words, she thrust the magazine at my face.  
  
Playbunny.  
  
Cover.  
  
Ami on it.  
  
Topless.  
  
"Aaauggghhhhh!!!!!!" I let out a horror-stricken howl.  
  
"Like it??" Ami looked up at me with those big and innocent blue optical organs of vision. Eyes.  
  
"Uhhh…" Come on, calm down… There is always Rei who had just come in and settled down at the table, reading some very fat book. See? She is an absolutely normal human being…   
  
"Hey, Rei, what're you up to?.." I inquired casually.  
  
She glanced up at me and indifferently demonstrated the book's cover. 'Urology. The Basics and Main Concepts', it read.  
  
I hiccuped.  
  
"Ur… Ur… UROLOGY?!!"  
  
"Yeah." She nodded. "I'm going to become an urologist. Any problems with that? By the way, what have you done to your hair?!"  
  
"Does it matter?! You're - gonna STUDY the guy's - !" I started gagging. For real.  
  
"…There's a whole section with my interview!" Ami began flipping feverishly through the magazine.  
  
Rei gave me this plain look. "And so?.. It's fascinating! Right, Ami?"   
  
Ami tore herself off her magazine. "Urology? Sure it's interesting, Rei. But I think that gynecology is much better!.. Oh, here it is!!" She shoved me the opened pages with a   
proud… look.  
  
I took one… look and leaped for the door out of this madhouse, but knocked down on Hotaru.  
  
Hotaru… The same, good, old… I mean, young twelve years old weeny girl in a black and purple outfit, her black hair straight and violet eyes innocent… just like always!  
  
"Girls!" she cried helplessly as I nearly suffocated her in my happy grip. "HELP ME!"  
  
"Help?" I repeated. "Come on, tell me what is it that's bothering you! No news will surprise me after what I've been put through today!"   
  
"Okay." Hotaru wriggled out of my grasp and took a big breath. Then she furtively closed the door behind herself, adjusted the blinders so that they would block any hint of sunlight, and went on in a low and hushed whisper, "I spent an unforgettable, unbelievable night with this awesome guy, but… I don't know has he used any… sort of… you know! How should I know?"  
  
I threw the door aside and raced outside to gasp in the fresh air… Someone, tell me, am I going mad!  
  
Just then I heard phone ringing in the living room behind me. Rei answered it, listened, and called out to me, "Usagi! It's Setsuna! Says something has happened at your house!!"  
  
Well. Something has happened at home. So what?  
  
I came back into the room and pressed the gray cordless to my ear, staring at the absolutely normal and inoffensive white ceiling. "Hello."  
  
"Hello? Usagi!? Oh, my lord!! Usagi! Luna's in a labor!!!!" Setsuna's voice screamed into my ear. "She's going to deliver the baby!! I mean, the kitten!!! Usagi, hurry! I've already called the ambulance!!.."  
  
I heard Artemis's terrified, "The water is coming out!! LUNA! PUSH!!" and Luna's pitiful, "Nya-a-a!.."  
  
I dropped the phone, rushed out, and tumbled down the stairs… I'll just go home, away from this big madhouse! I know that everything is fine there, since Dad is at work, Mom is out shopping, and Shingo is at a party! Let them star in Playbunny, kiss my boyfriend, become urologists… I JUST DON'T CARE, HEAR ME!!!!  
  
I pushed my front door open, clomped up the staircase, and rolled into my bedroom. It was completely dark. Hadn't I opened the curtains in the morning?..  
  
I groped for the switch on the wall and on the seventh try flipped on the light. Now I will crawl into my beloved bed, snuggle in the covers, and -  
  
"HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!!! YEAH, FOOLED YA!! GOTCHA!!!! HEE HEE!!!!!"  
  
That was Minako. Actually, everyone was there, too. But only that bi - okay, only Minako had been screaming.  
  
Wait - she had screamed that…  
  
Realization plunged down on me like a ton of rocks.  
  
"A JOKE!!!" I screeched.  
  
"Fooled ya!" they shouted cheerfully. Ami and Makoto were in their normal clothes. And Makoto wasn't bald…  
  
I knew I had to smile, since it had been a joke and everything, but it turned into a beastly bared-teeth thing…  
  
Everybody backed away from me. Setsuna tumbled over the other side of my bed. Mamo-chan was the only one left standing before me. In addition, he was grinning like an idiot.  
  
"So, how was Minako, Mamo-chan?" I carefully inquired.  
  
He burst out laughing at my face.  
  
Luna stuck herself out from behind Mamo-chan. "Usagi, what have you done to your hair?!"  
  
That was the last straw.  
  
"NOTHING!! NOW GO ON AND CONTINUE ON DELIVERING YOUR KITTY!!! AND I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO MY HAIR!!!! I'D JUST DYED IT LIME-GREEN TO SURPRISE YOU ON THE APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!!!!"  
THE END!  
  
____________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
By May K. Lunnaya   
  
With comments and/or for information, contact May K. Lunnaya at sergek@co.ru. Special thanks go out to Jade Hunter of the ASMR Beta Readers and Irina Kouzmina, my editor.  
  
Mainly based on the characters created by Naoko Takeuchi.  
  
This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.  
  
Copyright © September 2000 by May K. Lunnaya. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. 


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